Shopping has always been a way for me to cope with my emotions. When stress, guilt, or loneliness feels overwhelming, it’s easy to click “add to cart” and buy something new. In the moment, it feels good—a temporary escape from everything weighing me down. But the relief doesn’t last. Often, the anxiety creeps in afterward, especially if I’m already short on money.

I’ve started asking myself: Why am I like this? Am I trying to fill an emotional void? And how does this behavior affect not just me, but also my children?

Is shopping my way of escaping the past?

I believe much of my relationship with shopping is rooted in my upbringing. I grew up in a home marked by alcohol abuse and violence, and in that chaos, I learned early to control what little I could. As an adult navigating life, I turned to shopping as a way to manage stress and uncertainty. It became a way to create a sense of control and satisfaction—even if it was fleeting.

Looking back, I realize that shopping has become an addiction for me, much like alcohol was an addiction for my father. I’ve tried to fill an emotional void with material things. The difference is that my addiction doesn’t smell like liquor or result in broken furniture, but it still leaves its mark.

It’s not just my life that has been impacted by my shopping addiction. I’ve also seen how it’s spilled over onto my children, especially my eldest daughter. When I feel like I can’t be fully present for them or give them the attention they deserve, I try to make up for it by buying them things.

It’s gotten to the point where my daughter has developed a significant shopping habit herself. And it hurts to admit that I’ve played a role in that. By always buying her what she wanted—and often more than that—I’ve shown her that shopping is a way to feel better, a solution to feelings of emptiness or inadequacy.

Now I see that what I meant as an act of love and care has reinforced a behavior I know doesn’t lead to lasting happiness.

Shopping is how I deal with guilt and feelings of inadequacy, but it’s not a sustainable solution. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not about the things—neither for me nor for my kids. It’s about trying to make up for something deeper.

I want to be a good mother, but when exhaustion and depression take over, I often feel like I’m not enough. That’s when it’s easy to fall back into old habits. If I can’t give them my time right now, maybe I can give them something else—something that provides a quick burst of joy. But I know that’s not what they truly need.

It’s time to break the pattern.

I’ve made up my mind: I need to break the destructive cycles my shopping behavior has created. I know it won’t be easy, but I need to do this for myself and for my family.

Steps toward change

A key part of this journey is identifying the underlying reasons why I shop. I want to better understand my feelings and behaviors, and I think these questions will guide me:

• Why do I want to buy this right now? Is it something I truly need, or am I trying to fill a void?
• What emotions are involved? Am I feeling stressed, sad, bored, or lonely? Am I trying to numb those feelings with shopping?

I need to take practical steps:

• Set a budget. Knowing my financial limits will help me make better decisions.
• Avoid impulsive purchases. If I see something I want, I’ll wait at least 24 hours before deciding.
• Remove triggers. This might mean unsubscribing from shopping emails or staying off certain apps.
• Find healthier outlets. Instead of shopping, I’ll explore new ways to cope with my emotions, like journaling, meditating, or going for a walk.

This won’t be a quick fix, but I’m ready to make the changes. By understanding the root causes and finding healthier ways to cope, I hope to create a life where shopping isn’t an emotional crutch but just another practical part of life.

I need to take small steps every day. I know I won’t be perfect—and that’s okay. It’s time to take control of my habits and give myself the chance to truly feel better.

Have you also used shopping as a way to cope with your emotions? How did you find balance? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments – we can all learn from each other. ❤️